Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Black Crayons and Perfection

I continue to fret about how the stroke affects my nieces' and nephew's perception of me. Above is a page from one niece's kindergarten journal after Thanksgiving last year. The two of us stand in my backyard. There's the hot tub, the patio table and…

"Abigail, what's that?”

"A trash can."

I'm more recognizable: There's my cane, my glasses, and a pizza on my head. (Oh, sorry – that's a hat.) What puzzles me most is why I'm dressed for a funeral. Really? Of all the crayons she reached for black? I look like an old lady with both feet in the grave.

I suppose I should focus on the fact that of everything my niece did during that four-day weekend, she chose to document the afternoon spent at my house.

My favorite memory of that afternoon is of Abigail and me walking up the drive. I felt a strange sensation in my stroke-numbed palm, looked down and saw her little hand in mine. She had slid it easily between my clawed fingers. I was amazed. She hadn't given it a thought – as if I was completely normal.

Which makes me think: Perhaps my concern about the children's perception is more a problem of how I see myself.

As if to underline that idea, here's the card Abigail made for me at Thanksgiving this year:

I'm trying not to let it go to my head.


  1. Love your insight... and your wonderful sense of humor. Keep posting.

  2. They all adore you. I'm actually grateful they acknowledge your journey as difficult as it has been. Things are not the same of course, but it does not make them less meaningful especially when we are molding young minds. FYI you've regained some serious color over the year;) Abby thinks you are prfeckt!. And, she's a damn good judge of character (@ 6)!

  3. I know you were a cheer leader (I saw the cute outfit...) but not that you were a 'prefect'- isn't that just an English school thing?
    Seriously though, those kids have always adored Auntie Marce!
    lots of love joe

  4. I suspect your neice sees the hope you are projecting to the world. Bask in the glow that is reflected back to you.

  5. That is adorable.
    The card really is something to be thankful for!